Best4everfamily

New Blog

2010-10-16T22:51:00.000-04:00

Some how, I've ruined this blog.

I'm not sure which button I pushed, but I've lost my

background, music, and all sorts of other fun things.

While trying to fix this blog, I pressed a button and made a new

blog. So, here's the new blog's address:

www.best4everfamily2.blogspot.com

Enjoy the new blog. It has music, and a background,

and a cool shelf that shows the books I've been reading.

Oh yeah, and pictures of the four best kids in the whole wide world.

Another First

2010-09-09T14:22:00.000-04:00

We go to the State Fair every summer.
We went before we had kids, and when
the kids came along they joined us at the fair.

My parents went together, with my brother and me if

we were home from college, then with Jon and me.

Mom and Dad really enjoyed bringing their grand kids

to the fair.

They loved all of the excitement the

kids had over EVERYTHING.

They loved sharing the fair with the kids.

Every summer we look forward to the trip to the fair.

Not this summer.

It's not that we didn't look forward to it, it's

just that it was the first time we've gone without

my Mom.

Last year, Mom was getting chemo. She worked her chemo

schedule around the fair.

She really wanted to go.

She warned us that she might get tired, so not to plan

on staying as long as we usually did.

She staid all day.

We didn't' leave until that evening.

We enjoyed all of our favorite things together.

We ate lots of fair food, enjoyed all of the exhibits,

and had fun watching the kids as they rode on

the rides and saw the dog show.

We packed in as much fun as we could. We

all knew that it might be our last trip to the fair,

together. The last time that we would share

the fair food and our "stomach room".

Despite my Mom's health, she never complained. She laughed, smiled,

and enjoyed every minute of that day.

This year, we went back to the State Fair for

the first time without Mom.

This year, we had the boys. I wished so much that Mom was

with us enjoying the time with the two younger boys.

I wished that Mom was there to watch the two older kids

take their first big kid roller coaster ride with Dad.

I wished for just one more chance to share fair food,

see the butter sculpture together, look for

"Sham Wow". I wished she were there to laugh

as The Big K. talked about his candy, Doodles rolled her eyes

at everything, and Baby J. declared is ice cream "Nummy".

I wished she could have seen Dad fall asleep on the

bench. She always said that he could sleep anywhere.

I missed her the whole day. I wished for her the whole day.

Everything reminded me of the times that we went to the fair with her.

The first year is supposed to be the hardest. Next year, it might be easier,

but this year I missed her.

Celebration Combination

2010-09-08T10:42:00.000-04:00

Our older two children are one year

one week apart.

This year, because they share so many of the

same friends,

we decided to have a big combination birthday

party.
We rented a pavilion at a local park,
made lots of cupcakes,
barbecued LOTS
of food,
invited lots of friends,
and enjoyed lots of fun.

Our menu was full of kid favorite foods.

I tried my hand at pina colada cupcakes.

We also had pink lemonade, s'mores,

and chocolate with white chocolate

and cream cheese frosting cupcakes.

The weather was beautiful,

the company was enjoyable.

Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves

as we celebrated another year in

our children's lives.

At the end of the evening, we had full bellies,

full hearts, and a car load of craft

things to donate to Hospice.

Thank you everyone who came to help us celebrate

our children and their lives.

My Oldest Son Turns Nine!

2010-09-04T13:14:00.000-04:00

We first met when he was four. By then,

he'd been through more than most adults.
His sister had so many behavior problems, that
the Big K. was often over looked.

On our second visit to see the kids, we got to spend the

day at K.'s school. He was in Preschool. He was

so excited about our visit that he was

taken out of the classroom, because he became so disruptive.

His teacher was a wonderfully kind woman who told

us that all he really needed was a mother. Once he had a mother,

she was sure his behaviors and problems would even out.

That afternoon, he looked up at me and said,

"Please don't leave me Jennie. I don't want you to go."

We stayed all afternoon.

It took K. the longest time to call me Mom, but once he did

that's all he's ever called me.

It took him the longest time to

really trust us. He's trying.

He still struggles with believing

that we'll take care of him.

My oldest son is loving, kind, and brave.

He is genuinely happy for others.

He loves animals with a passion.

He loves his younger brothers with his whole heart.

He loves to read, and is always excited to tell me the latest

adventures of the Hardy Boys.

He loves his Dad and all things boy.

He is always up for an adventure, and it is many

a day that I hear him directing the play of our other children.

K. is strong willed and intelligent. He wakes up with a smile

and goes to bed with a smile. He cares about

others. He tries to do right and loves to tell me when his

siblings are doing wrong.

He is often my greatest struggle as a parent.

He remains my greatest joy.

I love him with my whole heart. I wonder what type

of man he will grow in to. I wonder what God has planned for him.

I am thankful each and every day that God saw fit to make me his

mother.

Happy Birthday my Big K. I'm so happy

that you are my son.

My Birthday Girl

2010-08-25T13:26:00.000-04:00

I met her for the first time when she was five.

I remember what she was wearing, how she was

acting, and what we did.

I remember the night that the case worker called to tell

us about her. She was considered "difficult",

a "challenge", "behavioral".

Words used to describe a child that had been hurt,

betrayed, lied to by adults.

Words to describe someone afraid to love.

I don't know how it feels to hold a baby you've just given

birth to. I do know how it feels to look into the eyes of a child

who has lost hope but dares to hope you'll become a family.

The moment I met her, I loved her. I wanted to get

to know her, care for her, protect her.

I wanted to be her mother.

For four years, I have had the privilege of watching

my daughter grow. I have seen her grow from a

hurt, angry, aggressive child into a kind,

compassionate, loving young lady.

I've held her as she's cried for a family that couldn't

care for her. I've shared the story of how

we came to care for her.

I love her more each and every day. I love her more than

I love my own life.

I would do anything for her.

I look forward to watching her grow into the beautiful

woman of God that she is becoming.

I am thankful that out of all the women in this world,

God chose me to be her Mom. What a gift.

What a responsibility. What a blessing.

Being her Mom is a job that I love,

cherish, and enjoy.

Happy Birthday sweet Doodle Bug. You

have brought me so much joy.

Hats For Sale

2010-08-24T18:40:00.000-04:00

So, I've been on a bit of a knitting jag lately.

I love to knit, and I've started knitting hats for the kids

this winter.

I found a great pattern that called for hand died wool.

I had to dye the wool with Kool-Aide.
The colors didn't turn out quite as bright as I wanted, so

I started experimenting.

I ended up with lots of hats in lots

of colors.

I've finally found some yarn

and colors that I like.

Unfortunately, I now have LOTS of knit hats.

They're very cute, but I feel a bit

like the hate peddler in the children's book.

You know, the one with all the hats on his head.

He falls asleep, and the monkeys start to take his hats.

I may start walking through the house chanting,

"Hats for Sale".

I think my own sweet little monkeys will enjoy these hats

as much as the monkeys in the book did.

Eleven Years Ago

2010-08-23T13:46:00.000-04:00

We first met at the county fair.

We were introduced by mutual friends.

Not on purpose, we all sort of ran into each other.

God knew what He was doing.

Eleven years ago,the night we met, I never would have imagined

my life like this.

I had recently divorced a man that I met at

Bible college. It was a hard and horrible time in my life.

I never thought I would divorce, I never

thought I would date or even marry again.

Then I met Jon. He's everything that I'm not.

He's shy, he's careful, he thinks things through.

I'm chatty, impulsive, spontaneous.

We hit it off right away.

We became fast friends. Before we knew it, we were dating.

Two years later, we were married.

Jon is my best friend. I love him more today than I did yesterday.

I respect him as a husband, father, man.

I am amazed that we met at a fair. I am amazed that

the man the Lord picked out for me was not

from Bible college, he was not

from my church. He was at the fair.

Eleven years ago we met. We talked about

running, we shared fry dough.

I thought he was awfully cute.

He just rolls his eyes when I share that information.

Every year we visit the fair where we met.

We force our children to hear about that night.

We make googly eyes at one another (well, I make the

eyes. Jon endures them).

I can't imagine what my life would have been like without Jon.
I know that God brought us together for a purpose.
As I look into the eyes of our four children, I am thankful that
I went to the fair that night and happened to run into some friends.

Family

2010-08-20T09:50:00.000-04:00

I have affectionately called them "Grandma

and Grandpa" since I was in college. They aren't

old enough to be my grandparents.

Less than an hour after my Mom died, Grandma Jean called.

She didn't know Mom had died.

She and Grandpa did what family does.

They came to us. I don't remember a lot

about the day Mom passed, just the pain and the shock.

I do remember Grandma Jean and Grandpa Tom.

I know that God sent them to be with us,

to hold us, cry with us, support us.

I know that God brought them to us, because

He knew what we needed.

I have enjoyed spending time with them again.

I have enjoyed introducing my children and

husband to them.

My Mom was very important to Grandma Jean, and

Jean was important to my Mom. I have loved

being able to see my kids with

people who love and miss my Mom.

Last night, we enjoyed a very fun evening at Jean and Tom's

house. Grandpa Tom took all of the kids out on the

four wheeler. They LOVED those rides.

At breakfast, they were still talking about going

up the hills, seeing deer, eating wild blackberries,

and driving really, really fast.

Although it had been so many years since I had seen Grandma

and Grandpa, they have embraced me, my children, our

family just like they always do, with love, acceptance,

and joy. They have supported me through this season of grief.

They have loved without conditions. I am truly blessed to have

such wonderful people as part of my family

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa. I love you.

Wild Pack Of Boys

2010-08-19T16:40:00.000-04:00

My pack of boys who decided to wear

only underwear. This picture doesn't

show it, but they were also covered in magic

marker.

Their sweet big sister, who was wearing clothes, and

working hard to civilize this wild pack of boys.

Love my kids.

Rememberance

2010-08-06T13:06:00.000-04:00

Thirty-nine weeks after she died, we

went to the Hospice that cared for my Mom

for the last week of her life.

We went to release butterflies, to

think of her, to remember her,

to help the Hospice that helped her.

It was a beautiful time.

An amazing thing to see all of the butterflies,

to see all of the other people who have lost

loved ones. To see all of the people

and families that Hospice has touched.

During the ceremony, there was a group reading

that talked about living life, because in

living your life, your loved one lives on.

My Mom's memory lives on in each of us.
It lives on through the stories we tell.
It lives on through the laughter we share.

Her memory lives on in each and every moment

that we spend together.

"A butterfly counts not months but moments, and has
time enough."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Summer Time Fun

2010-08-04T12:48:00.000-04:00

We have all been enjoying a lot

of summer fun.

We've spent time swimming,

relaxing,
and enjoying our summer vacation.

Hard to believe that summer is going

so quickly.

We've enjoyed the county fair,

time together,

and snow cones.

I hope that you are enjoying your summer

as much as we are enjoying ours.

My Artists

2010-07-23T10:55:00.000-04:00

Creativity can

sometimes be
messy.

I'm sure that's why it's always so much fun.

Weekend With Papa

2010-07-22T19:45:00.000-04:00

Growing up, my Dad often worked two or more jobs while

going to college and then graduate school. My brother

and I didn't see a lot of him, but when we

did he was always a lot of fun. He made our time together special.

He and Mom took us to McDonald's on Friday nights, after

he'd finished cleaning at an elementary school (he was a janitor).

When we grew older, he'd take us for candy, or let us

watch horror movies that my Mom would never have allowed.

Dad is just a whole lot of fun. I love seeing him

have fun with the kids.

Last weekend, Doodles and I took a trip to visit Dad.

We went with him to an eye doctor appointment at a

local mall.

In the parking lot, there was a carnival going on.

After the appointment, Dad said,

"You want to take Doodles to the fair?"

Of course I did. What fun we had.

Dad bought her lots of tickets for rides.

A HUGE treat. Then, because she

was scared to go on things alone, he went with her on

everything.

He tickled her, fooled around with her, laughed with her,

and loved her. He's a really terrific grandfather.

He even went with her into this "rock star" ride.

I watched them as they laughed and fooled around together.

I couldn't help but think, four years ago, my daughter was living

with a single foster mother. She had no strong male influences

in her life. She was described as "boy crazy", because she was

always trying to get the little boys in her class to hold her

hand and kiss her. God not only brought her a father, but

He brought her a grandfather, a Papa.

A Papa who loves her no matter what, who loves spending

time with her and having fun with her.

A Papa that will go on all of the rides with her, laugh

with her, and hold her hand when she reaches for it.

Thank you Dad for being not only the wonderful and

Godly father that you are, but also for being such a

terrific Papa. Thank you for the fun weekend at the fair.

I Have Found....

2010-07-19T15:41:00.000-04:00

that grief is like the ocean, the tides

coming in and out.

There are days that are so hard, I feel

the crushing weight of the loss of you.

There are

days when I laugh, I feel great,

I look forward to the future.

Then there are days,

when the tide comes crashing in. The smallest

things can make me cry. The scent of your perfume

makes me long for you.

This is what I hope:

I hope I will be to my children what you are to me.

I hope that when I face death, I can say I lived

with no regrets.

I hope that I make you proud.

I hope that my children will never

forget you.
I hope that in times of crisis, sadness, grief, I will

never lose my faith.

I hope that I will be everything that you raised me to be.

Mom, I love you. I miss you.

Cherries

2010-07-15T19:28:00.000-04:00

Life is

just a bowl of
cherries. Don't take

it serious. So live,

and laugh as you learn.

Running

2010-07-13T15:21:00.000-04:00

I believe that running has saved my life.

Not because I'm 300lbs and running

helped me lose weight, no I love to eat

too much to lose any weight from running.

It saved me because it gave me a focus,

an outlet for my grief.

A year and a half ago, when my Mom was diagnosed

with cancer, I quit running. I just couldn't get motivated.

I was traveling so much to help her, and I was dealing

so much with my own shock that I just

couldn't find the time to run.

Shortly after she died, I started running again.

All of the grief literature talked about the importance of

exercise. The literature was right.

Every morning I would lace up my shoes and

run. Gradually I increased my distance.

Sunday I finished a 15k road race.

It was the tenth time that I've run that race.

It was the first time that I ran it without my Mom.

Without my Mom cheering me on at the finish line, or waiting

for me at home. It was the first time I couldn't share with

her how much fun I had. I was able to share the joy of my race

with my husband and children.

Cheryl brought our four children to the race course.

She waited with them for over an hour so that I could

see them for only a minute. She waited with them

so that I could hug them, kiss them, love on them.

She waited with them so that they could see me run,

so that at the end of the day, when they asked me what my favorite

part of the whole race was, I could say, "Seeing you guys. Hugging and

kissing you guys. Having you guys there to cheer me on."

That was my favorite part of the whole race.

Thank you Cheryl. Thank you so much.

My Soap Box

2010-07-07T18:59:00.000-04:00

When our older two children came to live with us,

they were four and five years old. We were

their eighth home. They had been removed

from a family member who chose to lock them in a room,

and not feed them.

She neglected them. Doodles left her home, at the age of four with a

black eye. The Big K. left her house at the age of

three unable to talk or walk properly.

Both children were dirty, underfed, and had

never seen a doctor. They were abused.

A nasty ugly word. Despite this fact, the court granted their

relative, the woman that abused them, once yearly visitation.

Because they were not legally ours for the first three years
that they lived with us, we had to take them for a visit with
their relative. It was a strained and difficult visit. We had to drive
our children for almost eight hours, so that they could spend two hours
with a woman that abused them. Once they were adopted, we were told
that visitation was at our discretion. After that visit, our children were
distressed. They were scared they would be hurt, they would have to move again,
that they would be abused.
After their adoption was finalized, we made the decision not to allow any
more visits. At least not yet. Not until the kids are a little older.
This week, we received a phone call, from a lawyer. Apparently, our children's relative
has decided to go to court to gain access to our children. She wants to see them.
The lawyer called me. She called the wrong mother. I don't care that my children
are adopted, they are my children, and I WILL NOT put them in harms way.
I will not have them victimized again, by the same system that
victimized them the first eight years of their lives.
Social Services needs to change. Laws need to be changed. Children matter.
Children should not be forced to maintain contact with a person that
abused them. If you or I was in an abusive relationship, no judge would
tell us we HAD to visit the individual that abused us. If a stranger
had done the things that this woman did to my children, they would
be in jail. But our screwed up system deems visits appropriate.
Children are victimized again and again in the name of
connection, family, history, blood.
The fight is on. NO ONE will hurt, scare, injure, or
victimize my children again.
NO ONE!!!

Happy Birthday USA!

2010-07-05T20:15:00.001-04:00

God bless America, land that I

love.

Stand beside her, and guide her,

Thru the night, with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,

to the oceans white with foam,
God bless America my home sweet
home.
God bless America,
My home sweet home.

This weekend, we enjoyed cook outs,

fire works, parades,

swimming, time with our family.

We enjoyed all of these things because somewhere,

someone made a sacrifice so that

we could be free.

Someones son, daughter, mother, father,

brother, sister went to fight a war

for us, for our country.

Brave men in history fought so that we could

celebrate the fourth of July.
Thank you to every

veteran who has served our country.

Thank you to all of the families of veterans who

sacrificed just as much.

Thank you for fighting for my freedom, for my children's freedom,

for my country.

Happy Independence Day!

Summer Fun

2010-07-03T16:28:00.000-04:00

One warm and sunny day, plus

one water hose, plus

one slip and slide,

equals one very fun summer

afternoon.

Brothers

2010-07-02T08:12:00.000-04:00

My boys are rough and tumble. From the moment

they wake up, until the moment they go to bed,

life is an adventure.

Currently, I am the most important woman in

their lives. They can't wait to tell

me EVERYTHING!

I love that.

I know, without a doubt, the God chose

my boys, made them my sons, and

has given me the awesome responsibility

of raising them.

It's a job that I love.

I wonder daily what type of

men they will become, what

their lives will be like.

I pray for them, their future wives,

their future children.

I cherish their childhood.

I thank God every day for

bringing them to me.

My boys make my life an adventure.

Birthdays

2010-07-01T08:07:00.000-04:00

I was born on the day of my baby shower.

My Mom hated all things social, and so she started

praying that something would happen so that she wouldn't have to

go to her shower. Something did happen, me,

three weeks early.

Every year, on my birthday, my Mom would tell me that story.

Every year, on my birthday, my Mom would make me a cake.

She took a cake decorating class when my brother

and I were small, so that she could decorate any type of cake for us.

One year, there was a merry-go round cake.

One year she made me a doll cake, a Raggedy Ann cake,

and when I turned 16, she made me a giant hamburger cake.

I had the privilege of spending almost every one of my birthdays

with my Mom. Last year, while she was undergoing chemo,

she made a point of making sure her chemo schedule would allow

her to spend my birthday with me. She wanted to make me a cake.

As she said, a birthday is a way that you tell someone you're happy

that they were born.

My Mom always made sure that we knew she was happy

we were born.

This year, I had been dreading my birthday.

I couldn't think of the day without my Mom.

Dad would ask me what I wanted, what I wanted to do, and

I just couldn't think of it. I hated the idea of celebrating the day without my

Mom.

My birthday is also our older kids moving in anniversary.

Every year, on my birthday morning, they get a cupcake, with a candle,

and the privilege of hearing their parents sing

"Happy Anniversary" to them.

This year, on my birthday, they celebrated their four

year anniversary in our family.
They also celebrated the fact that they have a Mommy.
I knew, that for them, it was important that I celebrate my birthday.
I knew that my Mom would have wanted me to do that.
So I did. I woke up, thought of my Mom. Went for a run, thought of my
Mom. Sang Happy Anniversary, thought of my Mom.
Went out for breakfast with my Dad, Jon, and the kids
and thought of my Mom.
Missed my Mom, thought of last year with my Mom.
Was so thankful for my Mom.

A few months ago, my Dad asked someone to marry him.

I haven't written about it here, because I wasn't sure

how I felt about it. No, that's not true, I was sure.

I hated the idea. I hated the idea that life had to move

forward. To me, it seemed like life should have stopped

when my Mom left. She deserved that.

She wouldn't have wanted that.

Cheryl, my Dad's fiance, is one of the sweetest and kindest people

that I have had the privilege of knowing. She loves

my Dad, loves my kids, and loves me.

She makes my Dad laugh. Something that

he hasn't done in a LONG time.

She makes him happy, something my Mom would

have wanted.

Yesterday, on my first birthday without my Mom,
she made me a cake. She knew that my Mom
made me one every year, she wanted to be sure that I had a birthday cake.
She helped to make my birthday so special. She cared enough about
my Dad, to care about me, and for that I am truly grateful.
Last year, I blew out my birthday candles, and I wished with
all of my heart that my Mom would be here this year. She wasn't.
This year, I blew out my candles. I didn't have the heart to make a wish,
because I had everything that I could want seated around my dining
room table. I have a family that loves me. That cared enough
about me to carry me through a birthday without my Mom.
I have a family that was happy I was born and wanted
to let me know it.
Thank you Dad, Cheryl, Jon, Big K.,
Doodle Bug, P. and J.
Thank you for making my birthday so special.
I love you all more than you will ever know.

Never Too Young To Help

2010-06-29T12:06:00.000-04:00

He may not have mastered potty on the

toilet yet,

but he loves to help.

This morning, he was vacuuming for me.

June In Pictures (With Some Words)

2010-06-28T19:25:00.001-04:00

For the first time, in what feels

like forever, I have been feeling

like myself again.

There are days, and times, when I really

miss my Mom, and I think

of all the things that I miss about

her, and all of the things that
I wish we were still doing together.

Then there are days, when I remember how blessed

my life is. I think of how good God has

been to me.

This month, I have been busy doing

what my Mom would want me to be doing,

living.

I have spent time enjoying my kids,

my husband,

our family.

We have enjoyed time together making memories
with each other.

We've visited new places,

and done new things together.

The kids finally finished a very emotional third grade

year. This year, they said good-bye to their

grandmother and hello to

their brothers.

Together, we celebrated Jon's birthday

and Father's Day.

We have spent time loving each other,

enjoying our family,

and planning all of the fun things that

we want to do together

this summer.

I know that if my Mom could see these pictures,

read this blog, she would be so proud

and happy to see us enjoying each

day that we have together.

Our time together is truly a gift to be treasured.

Hope you are treasuring your family and the time

that you have together.

Welcome Summer

2010-06-02T19:51:00.000-04:00

Welcome Summer.
We can't wait to enjoy
the long hot days,

trips to the park,

time to play,

and all of the relaxing that we know

summer will bring.

The Desires of My Heart

2010-05-28T20:21:00.000-04:00

I often think of the verse

Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the Lord

and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I am human, and I'm tempted to think of

what I don't have, but the Lord is faithful

and He reminds me of what I do have.

I love the stories of our children. I love how God

made them, protected them, and brought

each of them into our hearts and our family.

I love how God took something that could have been so

tragic and turned it into something so beautiful, in

the way that only He can.

My Lord is such a loving and merciful God.

As I watch my children play, as I listen

to them talk, as I hear their

laughter and see their smiles,

as I accept their hugs and kisses, I know one thing is true,

my children are the desires of my heart.

My Lord brought me each of them, and He has given

me the privilege of being their mother.

Friendly's

2010-05-27T10:59:00.000-04:00

Hi Mom,

I miss you so much. I've been having such a

hard month. The grief literature tells me

that it's because I'm leaving the

shock phase of your death.

Lucky me. The grief is supposed to get

harder now. I didn't think it could get any harder,

but it is. This morning, I went to Friendly's

for the first time since you've died.

We sat at the table where we ate lunch with the kids right after we found out you were sick.

We had the same waitress that served us

all of the times that we'd been to

Friendly's together.

I couldn't help but stare at the table we

sat at the last time we ate at

Friendly's together. It was empty.

Mom, I miss you so much. Nothing is the same

without you. I want life

back the way that it was. I want you back.

Dad and I cry every time we're together.

We talk about you laugh and then cry.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

One day I know that I will be able to do

things without crying. One day I know that my

grief won't be this bad. One day I know that I will see you again.

I love you Pal. I miss you Pal.

I'd do anything to have you back Pal.

Trying to Take a Picture

2010-05-19T14:02:00.000-04:00

While taking a walk the other morning,

I decided to try to take a picture of

all four of the kids together.

We found the perfect spot,

with the perfect log, and

I tried to get them all to smile at

the same time.

They were busy talking, moving,

arguing, and negotiating.

Finally, they were all settled, and then the dog
pulled her leash, my camera fell.
By the time I picked up my camera, the moment
when they were all looking and smiling at the
same time was gone. They
were far more interested on why the camera fell and if I could
fix it (I could).
Oh well, I'll try again another day or
hire some one to take the pictures for me.

Out To Dinner

2010-05-17T20:34:00.000-04:00

Jon and I love going to a local
Vietnamese restaurant.

When we were dating, we

went there a lot.

Before we had kids, we went there a lot.

After kids, when we had a sitter, we'd go there a lot.

I used to eat there with my Mom.

Mom and I would go so often, that the owner would
ask me where "my friend" was if I went without
her. Jon and I always talked about taking the kids
to the restaurant.
The food is different than what they're used to,
but it is always really, really good.
This weekend, we took all four of the kids out for dinner at the
Vietnamese restaurant.
"They all yours?" the owner asked when we sat down.
How good it felt to say, "Yes they are all ours."

The kids loved the food. They ate and ate and ate.

The owner was super impressed that they enjoyed

her country's fare. The food was such a hit

that I do believe we'll be going there again-

with the kids.

An Afternoon

2010-05-14T20:39:00.000-04:00

Today I did something hard. It was nice,

but it was hard.

I brought the boys' birth mother with us

to soccer.

I wasn't really sure if it was the right

thing to do, but it felt right.

I wasn't really sure how she'd be,

how the boys' would be,

how I would be.

They hadn't seen her since before Easter.

I hadn't seen her since court.

It was good to see her. It was good

to hug her.

Most importantly, it was good for the boys' to

see her. To know that she isn't just another

loss in their lives, that it's okay for them to

love her and us. When I took her home,

she looked at me and said,

"Thank You."

As hard as it was to bring her with us, to hear her

call me "Mommy Jennie" with the boys,

I knew, in those two small words, that spending the

afternoon with her was the right thing to do.

An Afternoon At The Farm

2010-05-13T17:17:00.000-04:00

This week, we took a very fun trip

to a local farm.

This farm was special because

it's a "grass" farm.

The man that runs the farm leaves

all of his animals out in

pastures, so that they can

eat grass, dig for bugs,

and do what animals do.

He butchers his own animals

and sells the meat at local

farmers markers and in

a local food co-op.

The whole field trip was

very interesting.

The kids loved seeing the animals.

They loved trying to catch the chickens and

pet the pigs.

When they were out watching the

farmer move his cows

from one pasture to another, they

laughed when they heard the cows mooing.

All in all, it was a very fun afternoon.

Farmers really do a lot of work for our food.

I could never be a farmer,

and after petting the animals that we eat,

I'm not sure I'll ever be a meat eater again.

Helping Daddy

2010-05-12T18:14:00.000-04:00

One of the Big K's favorite things

to do is help his Daddy mow the lawn.

He got his first chance at this when he

was four.

Now P. gets to mow the lawn too.

He loves it just as much.

The boys' favorite thing to do

is to help their Dad.

I'm so thankful that Jon is the type of Dad

that takes the time to let the

kids help him mow the lawn.

Going Potty Like A Big Boy

2010-05-11T09:08:00.000-04:00

Using the toilet has become dangerous.

He's now wearing a helmet to

go poops on the toilet.

Hey, whatever works.

Mother's Day

2010-05-10T16:42:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I spent my day with the

four reasons that I am a

Mother.

I carried both joy and sorrow

in my heart.
I cried, held my father, held my
children, loved my
husband, and missed my Mom.
I am so thankful for my kids, my
husband, my friends, and my family.
I couldn't have gotten through yesterday without
all of the people that love me,
them, us.
I am so thankful that I am a
Mom.

Over The Gate

2010-05-06T20:15:00.000-04:00

Today, I looked outside and this is what

I saw.

I asked them what they were looking at.

This. Their airplane went over the gate.

They were watching it. I'm not sure why.

Perhaps they were hoping it would fly back to them.

Perhaps they were worried that our

fifty-ish neighbor was going to run

off with it. Whatever the reason,

they made me laugh.

The Big K and Doodle Bug

2010-05-05T14:40:00.000-04:00

This week, we bought a new lap top.

Last night, Jon spent the evening transferring our pictures from one

computer to another.

He found this picture. It's the first picture

we received of our children.

I can't believe that they were ever that small.

2010-05-04T11:28:00.000-04:00

The last thing that I promised you, on the morning that you died, was that we would look out for Dad.

One of the last things that

you told me was how you

knew that the grandkids would

help get him through.

God must have known how much

he would need grandkids, because

He brought two more.

We're helping each other through

Mom, but

we all really miss you.

Neither of us are looking forward

to Mother's Day without you.

We're both talking about last

Mother's Day and the fun that

we had.

Tonight, Dad is having the sleep over

that you and he had planned

for the kids after they were adopted. We both wish you were there. We miss

you Mom, but we're getting through. One breath at a time, one moment at a time, one day at a time.

We're getting through, we're healing, we're helping each other.

Missing You

2010-04-28T18:27:00.000-04:00

Two years ago, we spent the day

together. We went to a museum,

bought grab bags, and

ate a picnic together.

Sometimes it feels like so

much more than two years.

Sometimes it feels like so much less

than two years.

I miss the normal things of life.

I miss the parks, museums, picnics.

I miss the kids yelling,

"Oma, Oma, watch this"

I miss you watching what they were doing.

I miss the joy on their faces as they

ran to you.

I miss the joy on your face as you saw them running

towards you.

I miss the little things. The days that were

special just because they were days

we spent together. I miss all of the days

that you won't spend with us.

I miss all of the parks that we'll visit

without you.

I miss all of the things that we'll do without you.
I wish that we could have done more.

I wish that you'd never gotten sick.

I wish the kids were saying,

"Oma guess what. Oma look at this.

Oma I love you."

I wish you were here to watch them grow up.

Mom, I miss you so much.

Trenton Falls

2010-04-26T13:44:00.000-04:00

Three times a year, Trenton Falls is open to the

public.

Once a vacationing hot spot, the

falls is now part of a power company.

The hotel is long gone, and all that

remains of the family that ran this vacation destination

are some markers in a grave yard.

The falls are beautiful.

Despite the fact that we really needed to do some

work around the house, Jon and I loaded up

the kids to enjoy a Saturday hike.

It was a perfect day to explore, laugh,

and make memories together.
Our house, and the work that goes with it,
will be around forever. Our four children
will only be this age once.
What a fun day we shared together as a family.

A Magical Kingdom

2010-04-23T12:47:00.001-04:00

My kids love playing outside.

Yesterday, I stepped out the back door

into their kingdom.

A Storm Trooper was climbing the tree
(with a helmet-hey you can never
be too safe).
A toddler was trying to ride a basset
hound, after slaying her with a
sword.
Megatron was in another tree, keeping
his eye on the Storm Trooper.
Also in a helmet-just in case of
a fall.
Then there was the leprechaun bride,
who married Megatron,
and was only a magical
leprechaun because
of her long socks. What a fun, and funny,
kingdom to visit. I hope to return soon.

Sweet Boy

2010-04-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

Our older two children have terrible

sleep issues due to their multiple placements in

foster care. It is a rare thing for me to see this.

My sweet boy, tuckered out, and sleeping like

the little angel that he is.

Flowers

2010-04-21T12:32:00.000-04:00

I don't think their are any flowers as

beautiful
as the first dandelions of
spring picked by

my four favorite children.

Their gifts of love melt my heart.

One Step Closer

2010-04-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

Last week, we celebrated some VERY

happy news.
Our family will be growing by two.
The boys' birth mother
decided that she wanted Jon and
me to adopt her boys.
A painful decision for her, became a
wonderful gift for us.
How exciting that these
two children,
who we love so very much,
will now become
our children legally.
What a night of celebrating our family did!!!

Fun At Zoo Class

2010-04-13T15:11:00.000-04:00

Today we enjoyed zoo class.

We learned about the rain forest,
how important it is, the
animals that live there,
and what happens
each time a tree is cut down.
Today, my sweet Doodles was the
teacher's helper.

This was an EXTRA big deal, because

Doodles is usually

super shy.

Today, she bravely held a cockroach,

and carried it around.

Her job was to let each of the kids

take a turn petting it.

I was such a proud Mommy.

My baby is growing up way too fast!

A Date With The Youngest

2010-04-12T11:32:00.000-04:00

Each week, I try to take just one kid with me

to go grocery shopping. I didn't think Baby D.

would want to go, but he did.

He doesn't like to be left out

of anything.

His two favorite words yesterday:

"NO!" and "Why?"

His favorite phrase:

"Just me Mommy. This fun Mommy."

So thankful that Jon watches the

rest of the kids, so that I can go out and

have fun with just one.

A Weekend Of Fun

2010-04-11T15:43:00.000-04:00

Kids change EVERYTHING about

your life. They change the way

you look at life and the way you spend your time.

Gone are the days of sleeping in on

the weekends, going for a run together,

going out for breakfast, and then

doing anything we wanted for the rest of the time.

Instead, weekends become family time.

Time Daddy is home from work and we

get to do things as a family.

I miss the time before kids, when time was ours,

but I sure do love the time

we have with our kids.

On Saturday, we packed the whole group of kids up

and enjoyed some time at a local arts and

crafts kid expo.

There were all sorts of things

for the kids to see and do.

It was an activity that was

perfect for all of them.

The kids enjoyed having their

faces painted.

They spend a lot of their time during the days

thinking up various ways to

be a "gang".

Yesterday, they were "The Face

Paint Gang".

They also enjoyed making

pencil pompoms

and stringing bead

necklaces.

We spent our entire morning and part

of the afternoon at the arts

expo.

I think, if the activities had

gone on all day, the kids would

have staid forever.

We really did have a great time together.

Having kids is a TON of FUN!!

First Taste Of Summer

2010-04-09T08:16:00.000-04:00

When the weather warms up,
the ice cream stands open up.

A good time,

was had

by all.

Roller Coaster Ride

2010-04-08T15:13:00.000-04:00

For almost three years P. and Baby D. have

been in foster care.

Last month, a judge that had never met them, made

the decision to make their foster care stay four

years. He gave their mother another chance.

Jon and I love the boys' mother. We've prayed for

her, invited her to church, and tried to do all that we can

to welcome her into our family. We both believe that

when we help her, we are helping her boys.

Over the weekend, she messed up. She left

her supportive housing, started using drugs again,

and made the decision that she cannot raise her

boys. She wants them with us.

She feels they will have things with us that they will never have

with her. Older siblings, a father.

I can't imagine what her heart is going through. I know how

much she loves her boys. I know how much they

love her. Today, we went to court.

She was prepared to sign over her rights to them.

The judge asked her to wait until Monday. To make sure this

is what she wants. And so we wait with her.

We pray some more. We wonder about their future, our future, her

future. We pray for the Lord's will above all else.

We wait until Monday.

Just Another Morning

2010-04-07T13:23:00.000-04:00

It started with this outfit. I laughed my

head off when I saw what she

slept in.

She kindly let me take her picture.

Baby D. forgot to wake up his listening ears,

so he spent some time naked in

the naughty corner.

He doesn't seem to realize he was being naughty,

notice his cheesy grin.

Meanwhile, they tried their best to take a test,

but really who could concentrate with

all of that noise?!

And sweet P., he decided to help me out

by making his brother's bed.
Notice what a great job he did.
No wonder the time goes so fast when
you have kids. There's just no time to sit down
and have a cup of coffee.
Hope you had a good morning.

Elmo and Easter

2010-04-06T19:53:00.000-04:00

He's the only child in our family
that has been with us for EVERY birthday.

This year, he celebrated birthday number three!

Hard to believe that he's already a big boy.

We celebrated with Elmo and his Mom.

What fun we all had together.

How fun to see him

turn three!

It was our third birthday with him.

It was his Mom's first birthday with him.

How happy he was, and we were, to share

it with her.

After birthdays, it was Easter time.

We took a trip to my Dad's house.

It was my first time there since my Mom has died.

It was a hard trip, but as usual, the kids

made it a fun trip.
We enjoyed Chuck E. Cheese,

Easter egg dying,

and beautiful weather.

The kids loved being able to decorate our

eggs outside.

Easter morning, they couldn't wait to

see what the Easter bunny brought for them.

They waited so patiently to see their

baskets before church.

How cute they all looked in their

matching clothes.

The Easter bunny did not disappoint.

P. carefully looked at everything in his

basket.

The candy was everybody's favorite part of

the morning.

The Big K. even made a candy

creation with his chocolate bunny and

some Skittles.

After our Easter lunch, it was time to

hunt for Easter eggs.

P. was so excited to find so many

eggs with his name on them.

Easter was always my Mom's favorite holiday.

Last year, she was doing really well.

We thought for sure that she would be here this year

to celebrate with us. It was so different without her.

We all spent a lot of time remembering her. Missing her.

Loving her. Crying for her.

Easters will never be what they used to be when

my Mom was alive. How thankful I am to know that because

Jesus died on the cross, for me, for you, for her, I will

see her again in heaven. Her death was not good

bye. It was, "See you soon."

Thank you Jesus that I can say, "Mom,

I'll see you soon."

Happy Easter. From our family to yours.

Nineteen Weeks

2010-03-24T13:27:00.000-04:00

Hi Pal,

This morning I sat down, looked at my calendar, and

realized that it's Wednesday.

Nineteen weeks ago, I held you for the last time.

I talked to you for the last time.

I kissed you good-bye for the last time.

It seems like nineteen million years ago.

As much as we talked about you dying, as much as I knew

I would miss you, I wasn't prepared for this.

This ache of not having you.

Missing your laugh, your smile. Missing going to movies,

dinner, and shopping together.

My Pal, I miss you.

Dad brought me your Mickey Mouse light. It had been over in

your office at the church. I remember when we bought if

for you.

Sometimes, when I turn it off, Mickey says, "See you later

Pal." I miss you. I miss my Pal.

In nineteen weeks, life has changed.

I'm not the same person I was when I talked with you last.

I've lost someone that I love very much.

The kids are growing up every day, and we talk about you all the time.

Today, at lunch, we were eating celery. Big K. was

remembering how much you liked celery.

Easter will be here soon. It's hard for me to think about, because it

was always your favorite holiday. Last year, you were here. We cooked together.

I took a lot of pictures. We planned on you feeling so much better this

Easter. I can't believe you won't be with us on Easter Sunday.

Mom, I miss you. I love you. I miss you every hour of every day.

Sometimes I get busy, and then life slows down, and I remember you're gone.

I wish that you weren't. I can't wait to see you again. I can't wait to

hold you again. I can't wait to talk with you again.

I can't wait to see you at Heaven's gates and

know that we will never have to say good-bye again.

Mom I love you.

Your Little Pal

Bath Time Finger Paints

2010-03-23T20:16:00.000-04:00

Bath Time Finger Paints

What you Need:

1/3c. clear dish washing liquid

2T. cornstarch
Food Coloring
Willing Helpers

What you do:

Mix soap and cornstarch.

Divide equally into ice cube trays

(or egg cartons)

Mix in desired colors.

Take a bath and enjoy!

These soaps have been a HUGE hit in our house.

We've made them every night for the past three nights.

The kids have never been so clean.

On Being a Mother

2010-03-22T19:20:00.000-04:00

I love being a Mom. Yes, there are days,

but generally speaking being a Mom is

a career choice that has been

both fulfilling and rewarding.

Foster parenting is not something that I ever wanted

to do. Yet when our county's foster care

department asked us to take back the

two little boys who had been in our care,

neither of us could say no.

So, for the past month in a half, I have

enjoyed being a Mom to two little boys

that I love as much as I love my own children.

I have enjoyed remembering past times together

as well as making new memories with them.

I have thought about my Mom a lot. How much

she loved the boys. What she would think

and say about their return into our family.

I have talked to God a lot. Searched for His

will in all of this.

My Mother's illness and death taught me a lot

about waiting on God. It taught me a lot about trusting in God

even when it seemed impossible.

Today, we learned that the court system has agreed to give P. and

Baby D.'s mother another year to try and get her children

back. I have mixed feelings about that news.

I love the boys mother. I want to see her

succeed. I want her to become the type of

mother that her children deserve.

I also want her to fail. I want to adopt her boys.
It seems like God must have brought them back to us so
that we could adopt them. That makes so much sense to me.
I know that what I think is best isn't always
what God knows is best.
The news from court today wasn't surprising.
These children have been in care for three years.
A judge that has never met them just made it four years.
I know that God loves the boys more than I ever could.
He knew they were coming home to us, and He knows if and
when they will be leaving us.
Meanwhile, I just enjoy each new day that I get to be a Mother.

Thoughts On Heaven (from my daughter)

2010-03-20T11:32:00.000-04:00

"Mom, will Oma go trick-or-treating

in heaven with different children?

Are the angels cooking for her, and

does she get to eat cheeseburgers?

Is she wearing clothes?"

How I wish I had the answers for her.

"Mom, will I ever forget her?"

"NO."

Parties, Parades, and Pain

2010-03-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

Two years ago, my Mom was here.

His was not. His Mom was still using

drugs. My Mom was excited to

spend a birthday with her newest

grandchild.

Last week, as we celebrated P.'s

birthday, my heart was sad.

I missed my Mom.

There are some things that I can prepare myself

for: Easter, her birthday, Mother's Day.

I wasn't prepared for the pain

of missing my Mom on P.'s birthday.

I was so happy to share our little five year old's day with

both him and his mother.

How fun it was for him

to get to spend the day with his mom.

At the end of the day, we all sat down to

watch a video Jon had made of P.'s third birthday.

My Mom was in it. She was healthy, laughing, making

smart comments with Jon. I ached to

hold her, to hug her, to kiss her, to

be with her.

On Saturday we took the kids

to see their first St. Patrick's Day

parade.

What fun they had watching

the bagpipes and running after candy.

How fun it was to be together, all of us.

How much I wanted to tell my Mom about

our day, about our week, about the kids.

How much she would love seeing

how big all of the kids are getting.

She would love to hear about Doodles and what

a young lady she is becoming.

She would have loved to hear the Big K. as he

told P.,"We're brothers. We have to

stick together. That's what brothers do."

And she would have loved to see the baby dancing

to the Bagpipe music and then screaming

because he didn't get any candy.

I have had a hard week. My Dad's life is moving forward,

we are all leaving my Mom behind. I haven't wanted to.

I haven't wanted to lose what I had.

This morning, the Lord gently reminded me that

He holds the future. He carries not just my children, my husband,

and myself. He carries my Dad and my Dad's future.

I realized, if I could give my Mother to God,

I can surely give my Dad to God.

I can trust that God, the lover of all, the healer, protector,

father, and friend loves my Dad more than I ever can.

God will walk us all through this time.
God will heal the broken parts of my heart.

God has given me so very much to be thankful for.

Mickey Shirts

2010-03-07T13:08:00.000-05:00

I remember exactly what I was wearing that day.

I remember exactly what I was doing that day

when the phone rang, and my life changed

forever. I was so excited to hear from my Mom.

We hadn't talked in a while, both of us busy.

She'd had an ultra sound, there were masses on her liver.

Ultra sounds aren't reliable they told her.

This one was. For the longest

time, I wouldn't

look at that sweatshirt, even though it was one of my favorites.

I couldn't bare to wear it.

Then one day, my sweet Big K. said,

"Mommy, will you wear your Mickey shirt. I'll wear mine, and

then we'll match."

How could I resist my little man.

Now, my Mickey shirt makes me think of my son. What a gift

he is, and how short the time is that he'll be small

and want to dress like his mother.

I look forward to the days when we wear our Mickey shirts.

Our Morning In Pictures (With A Few Words)

2010-03-03T10:27:00.000-05:00

Water Play
Floam

Brothers

Math

Social Studies.

Gotta Love a Toddler

2010-03-02T20:56:00.000-05:00

This morning, he spilled some milk on

the table.
His clean up solution, potholders.
This is what I saw when I turned around.
Gotta love a toddler.

Grief

2010-03-01T18:54:00.000-05:00

This past week has been hard for me.

I am selfish.
I've been acting as if I'm the only one that's
lost. I hold a monopoly on the pain.
No one loved her more.
I'm wrong.
My father lost a best friend and lover of 38 years.
My brother lost his mother.
My children lost their grandmother.
My husband lost his mother-in-law.
My aunt lost a niece.
My grandmother lost her daughter.
We have all lost.
I've been selfish. I've been holding on to something
that I cannot change. I've been trying to go back
to before. I really liked before.
I never wanted my life to change. I really liked my life.
I wanted to watch my parents grow old. I wanted to
talk with my Mom about my kids and share with
her my life.
I have had to let that go. I'm watching my father's life
move forward. I am happy for him, sad for me,
happy for him.
I have watched my daughter grieve this week.
She's been giving me all sorts of pictures of
her and Oma. She's been working through her
grief. There has been nothing harder
than watching my children hurt. I've wanted to protect them
so much. I hate to see their tears, to hear their questions,
to feel their pain. I want to fix it for them, bring my Mom back,
take away their hurt. I think of my Father in Heaven.
How He must feel as He sees me hurt, us hurt.
How He must want so much to take the pain away.
There is a song by JJ Heller, it's one of my favorites.
It talks about God hating to see us cry. How one
day, He will make all things right.
I know He will.
I know that He walks with me and before me.
He holds our future in His hands. He carries our tears.
He is my Father, the healer.
His love is never ending. He holds me.
I am so thankful that He knows the words I cannot
speak. He heals my grief, our grief, and
gives us all the strength to move on.

Snow Day!

2010-02-26T11:55:00.000-05:00

Finally, we got SNOW!
So beautiful!

I am so thankful for my sweet

husband.

He spent the morning shoveling us out.

I got to stay in the warm house

enjoying the beauty of the day!

Everyone Do the Dinosaur

2010-02-24T15:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, the kids were paleontologists.

Just for the day.
We had a very fun time at the zoo learning
about dinosaurs.

The teacher, Brianne, did a great job getting

the kids interested and keeping them

busy as we studied dinosaurs.

One of the best parts about the zoo class

are the educational animals.

The kids get lots of hands on

experiences.

By far, the biggest thrill was the

baby alligator.

The kids got to pet him

and learn about him.

They also learned how parts

of him are like dinosaur parts.

After lots of animal fun, there was a table

activity. Everyone had their own cups of hardened

plaster. They chipped and dug and cut

away layers of dirt and plaster to

reveal a little surprise inside.

It was a very fun morning for all of us.

I wonder if the time inspired any future

plans for paleontology (the study of dinosaurs).

There Are Days

2010-02-22T15:27:00.000-05:00

There are days when it's so easy

for me to wake up, get moving, and enjoy

the things of this life. Then there

are days when all I want to do is

be in heaven.

I must confess, I don't have a death wish,

I'm not suicidal, I just want to be with my Mom.

I want to tell her about everything that's happened

since she's been gone. I want to tell her about the kids.
One of my Mother's greatest joys was being a grandmother.

She loved my kids, and she loved to listen to me

talk about the kids.

When P. and Baby D. joined our family my

Mom embraced them as if they were her own

grand babies.

She staid at our house one weekend so that I could get some sleep.

She woke up all night to take care of the baby.

She loved being able to do that.

When Jon and I made the decision to have the boys removed

from our home, it broke her heart as much as it did ours.

She loved those boys so very much. Nothing made her

happier than knowing that Jon and I still got to see them.

During her last year of life, the boys' foster mother offered to bring them

to see my Mom. My sweet mother didn't want them to be sad, or worried, or scared.

As much as she may have wanted to see them, she didn't.

If I could go to heaven, I would talk on and on about having

four kids again. I would tell her how big

the boys are. I would tell her how happy the kids are

to be together because blood alone doesn't make you siblings.

I would tell her how much I love her.

I would thank her for raising me to have the strength and courage to wake up every

day, even when I don't want to.

I would thank her for giving me the desire to be a mother.

It Never Ends

2010-02-20T10:40:00.000-05:00

More kids means more laundry.

It seems like it never ends.

Our washing machine and drier deserve

an award. I know what we'll be doing

this weekend.

Hairdo's and Zoos

2010-02-17T21:09:00.000-05:00

After fixing Doodles hair,
Baby D. decided he wanted his done too.

After a morning of Hairdo's,

we went to the zoo

with Papa.

Despite the snow,

a good time

was had by all.

Especially Papa.

After all of the hiking through the snow,

he took ALL of us out for lunch

at Taco Bell.

What fun!

An Old Fasioned Ice Harvest

2010-02-15T14:06:00.000-05:00

This weekend, we took a little trip

so the kids could learn about ice harvesting.
Although it was cold,
each of them took a turn pushing
the ice blocks towards the bank.
This way the horses could pick them up.
They also tried sawing the ice.

The Big K. described it as "Really hard work."

Doodles couldn't move the blade without

Daddy's help.

After cutting our ice,

we walked to the ice house

to watch the workers move the blocks of ice in.

The village saves the ice in the house through the summer,

and then they have an ice cream social.

This ice harvest happens every year.

I went to my first one while I was in college.

It was so much fun to take the kids, and

to see the joy on their faces as they tried

something new. At the end of the day,

the Big K. told me,

"Boy am I glad we have a refrigerator."

So am I.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T19:57:00.000-05:00

My daughter loves a good holiday.

She would celebrate every holiday on the

calendar if we'd let her.

President's Day, Flag Day, anything.

I believe this love of holidays comes from never having

anything to celebrate before we met her.

She and her brother had never had a birthday,

Easter, or Thanksgiving.

When Doodles got a family, she got holidays.

Because of her love of all days special, I really enjoy

making the time fun.

Today was Valentine's Day. What fun

it was to think of special things to do for the kids.

We enjoyed heart shaped pancakes and pink

milk for breakfast.
The kids loved them, especially Doodles.
Every year, we give the kids some Valentine
candy and a book.
This year was no different.
This morning after church,
each of the kids took some time to open their cards
and their presents.
A happy Valentine's Day was had by
all.

Hope you had a fun day with the person or

people that you love.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Getting To Know You (Again)

2010-02-13T19:50:00.000-05:00

This past week has been CRAZY. Adding two little

ones to our family has made us much busier!

The boys lived with us for one year.

They moved out right before

my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, because we believed

they would be returning to their mother, and we

really want to adopt.

Throughout the time they've been out of our home,

we've come to know and love their mother.

We've staid in touch with their other foster mother,

and we've seen the boys off and on.

When the county asked if we could take the boys, we

knew we had to say yes.

Friday, I realized how right that decision was.

P. and D. have visits with their mom, and

they had one on Friday. P. became very upset.

I held him, told him how much I loved him, and I let him

know that he was staying with us until he could live with his

mom. I told him his mom would be coming over to

our house, and that we would be doing things together.

I rocked him in the rocker, something he loved as a two

year old. I held him. I kissed him. I told him how much we

loved him. He started twisting my hair. A habit he

had when he was a toddler.

After I held him for a while, he went into his bedroom.

He opened up his toy bin and started going

through all of his old toys. I'd saved them all of

this time. I'm so thankful they were still here.

As he went through his things, he would

bring them out to me. He would

say, "Mommy, I remember this." or "I love this".

Finally he looked at me and said,

"I did live here before. I did. I remember."
The smile on his face was HUGE! His

eyes have been sparkling ever since.

I knew, at that moment, our decision to allow

the boys back into our family, no matter how long

or how short, was the right one.

God had them returned to us for a reason that only He knows.

I'm just so thankful for this time.

Wow! What A Week!

2010-02-10T21:25:00.000-05:00

On Monday morning, we received a call.

It wasn't totally out of the blue,

but it was still a surprise.

Our two former foster sons, the ones

we visited with before Christmas,

needed to be removed from their foster home.

The county wanted to know if we would take them back.

WOW! We really don't want to be foster parents.

Our goal has always been adoption.

We said we'd pray, and we did. After much talking

and praying, and talking to our kids,

we decided to allow the boys to come back.

We couldn't send them to another home.

We know what that does to kids.

Our kids had eight homes before they came to us.

They suffer from those moves almost daily.

We couldn't do that to the boys.

Today, they moved home. They were so excited.

The look on the baby's face. I believe

he remembers his time here, on some level.

P. was also so excited to be home.

He laughed and played,

and was hugging and kissing us

all evening.

And so, we take each moment as it comes.

I don't know the Lord's will in this, but

I believe He wants the boys here.

We love them so much, we love

their mother. These children have become a part

of our family. I pray that they always will

be, and that the Lord will use us any way

He sees fit.

Oh how I wish my Mom were here right now. To see the kids.

To know they're home. She would be so happy.

Just An Ordinary Day

2010-02-05T13:48:00.000-05:00

In the play "Our Town", one of the characters

gets the chance to choose one day

to go back to. To re-live.

I remember the author's writing that described the character

as an observer of an ordinary day in her life.

If I were given the opportunity to go back, observe,

enjoy, just one day out of my life,

I would choose the day that we

went to the Bronx Zoo.

Not because it was a holiday, a birthday, a wedding.
Not because it was any different than any other
day. I would go back because it was
such an ordinary day.
Our lives had yet to be touched with mortality.
It was the last time that we were
all together, before life
was shadowed with cancer.
With death.
We spent a whole day together.
We walked through the zoo and enjoyed
each other's company. We met my
brother. We ate lunch.
We laughed.
The weather was perfect. We had so much
fun.
We thought there would be a million more
days like that one.
Less than one month after that trip to the
zoo, we found out my Mom was dying.
On that day, she wasn't dying.
We weren't hurting.
We weren't healing.
We were a family that was whole.
If I could go back, just for the day,
I would enjoy it more.
I would savour the time that we shared.
Some how I would make the day last longer.
I would slow down and enjoy it more.
It's funny how an ordinary day, spent with
loved ones, can become such a special
memory.
I'm so thankful that we shared that day together.
I'm so thankful that we had that time.
One thing that my Mother's illness and death has
taught me is how finite life is.
How you just never know when the ordinary
may become the extraordinary.

Good-bye

2010-02-04T13:22:00.000-05:00

Good-bye Tim and Dad.

Thanks for the visit.

Hurry back! We'll be waiting

for you.

A Visit From Dubai

2010-02-03T14:57:00.000-05:00

About six months ago, my brother left for Dubai.

I was not happy. My Mother was kind and

understanding. I hoped that when he came

back, Mom would still be here to listen

to all he had to tell about

his time.

She wasn't.

This week, my brother is home on vacation.

He chose to come up here to spend time

with the kids. Shortly before she died,

my Mom shared with him how much

he meant to the kids. He listened. He's done a lot

to make himself available to be with the Big K. and Doodles.

One evening, after dinner, he brought out all sorts of stuff that

he brought with him from Dubai.

He showed them maps and money.

He explained what each coin meant and what it was worth.

He showed them where he lives

in Dubai, and told them about the weather and the people.

The kids were fascinated. They sat for almost two hours listening

to everything he told them. They asked about

a million questions, and he

took the time to answer each and every one.

He also brought them special presents

that he'd picked out just for them.

He told them why he chose each gift, and where

the gifts had come from.
The Big K. loves animals, and Tio picked out a hand

carved camel with a baby camel inside. The wood was palm tree

wood. I found out, that that's the only type of trees there are in Dubai.

He also brought the Big K. a box with a snake

in it. You hit a button, the snake pops out.

He brought Doodles bunches of bracelets.

He explained how they

were made and where he found them.

He also gave her a ring. He answered all of her questions about the ring

and the stone inside. The gifts were perfect.

The visit was wonderful and bitter sweet.

I couldn't help but think how much my Mom would have loved to

hear about Tim's travels. She would have loved

to see the coins and the gifts he brought for us.

Most of all, she would have been so proud of him. Proud of him

for remembering how important he is to the kids, how much

they love him, and how needed he is.

I was so very happy to be able to spend the time with him.

Thank you for coming home Tim. I can't wait to see you again in

six months.

What I Miss

2010-01-28T14:13:00.000-05:00

I miss:

Your laugh, your smile,

your hugs.

I miss:

Talking with you all afternoon, all evening,

all night.

I miss:

Shopping with you,

debating with you, planning with you.

I miss:

Every single thing about you. I'm greedy

for more of you.

I wish I could see you, hold you, smell you,

hear you, sing with you, spend just a little more time with you.

Mom, I miss you.

His Strength Is Perfect

2010-01-27T11:17:00.000-05:00

Adopting older children has been one of

the most rewarding experiences of my life.

It has also been one of the most challenging.

Our children were four and five when we met them.

They had memories and experiences in

their lives that happened before they met us.

They had pains and joys that we never shared.

Our first year with them was very, very challenging.

Before we met them, they were considered hard to place.

That label was because of their age, race, and behaviors.

There were many times, that first year, when

I wondered what on earth we were doing.

There were times when I wondered if we had made a mistake,

if we should send them back, if pets might be a better

option. Each time the Lord provided

the strength I lacked.

Each time, God would remind me that He gave me my

children. He had a purpose for their lives and

for our family. He brought all of us through that

first year. He daily renewed my strength.

Behaviors continued, but not as many and not as frequently.

This past month has been very hard with the kids. They've reverted

into a lot of their old behaviors. I'm already at the end

of my rope emotionally, and there are days

when I feel like I can't hold on. There are days,

like today, when I again ask God, "Maybe pets really

would have been a better option for us. Maybe

you made a mistake."

Today, he gently reminded me that

His strength is perfect, when my strength is gone.

I was reminded, again, that God makes no mistakes, that

this time will pass. That one day these dark days will be over, and

that the children He brought to us were the right

children for us. How thankful I am for my

Heavenly Father and for the two children

that He brought into my life. What a gift

they are.

Afternoon Nap

2010-01-26T16:49:00.000-05:00

Afternoon at our house.
I loved finding the cat in the blanket.
Don't they all look comfortable.

Monday Muffins

2010-01-25T16:00:00.001-05:00

After we were married, and Mom knew

we were going to become parents, she gave me one

of her favorite cookbooks. She'd used it

a lot when we were growing up.

We simply called it "Then Mennonite Cookbook"

or "The Mennonite" for short.

It's a GREAT cookbook with lots of cost

saving ways to cook. Mennonites don't believe

in waste. One of the recipes

in the cookbook is for English Muffins.

I've never made them, but I thought I would try today.

I used whole wheat flour, and they were very easy

to make.
Here is the recipe:
Heat in a saucepan until very warm (130):
1 1/2c. milk
1/4c. butter
In large mixer bowl, combine:
2T. sugar
1t. salt
1pkg. dry yeast
1 1/2 c. flour
With mixer at low speed, gradually beat liquid
into dry ingredients. Increase speed and beat 2 minutes.
Beat in:
1 egg
1c. flour
With a spoon add:
2c. flour, or enough to make stiff dough
Turn dough onto lightly floured surface and knead
jut until well mixed, about
2 minutes. Shape dough into a ball and place in large greased bowl.
Cover and let rise until double in size.
Punch dough down, cover with bowl and let dough rest for
about fifteen minutes. Roll the dough out and cut with biscuit cutter.
Place dough rounds onto a cookie sheet, cover and let rise until
double in size. Once double, heat a skillet on medium.
Fry each side for about eight minutes, or until brown.
Remove from heat, split with a fork, and enjoy.
We're saving our English Muffins for breakfast
tomorrow morning. Hopefully they will taste
as good as they smell.

Biscuits, Chowder, and Some Knitting

2010-01-23T18:46:00.000-05:00

This past week has been crazy. The kids missed a lot

of school when my Mom was sick and then after she died. Because I'm not

relaxed enough to do "unschooling", I've spent a lot of this week

trying to get them to where I would like them to be, school wise.

Fridays are still fun, even with a ton of school work, and because

of their really hard work, I decided to make a meal I know they love.

One of their favorites is clam chowder with biscuits.

I have a great chowder recipe, but my biscuits are never very good.

I'm always on a search for great biscuits.

Enter the Internet. By typing flaky, buttery biscuits into Google I found

the most delicious biscuit recipe ever. They look funny,

because they are square, but they taste GREAT.

The clam chowder recipe is a favorite. My Mom and I love clam chowder,

and while I was in college, she would always make this for me when

I came home. When I married, I would make it for her when

she came up to visit, or she would make it for

me when I went down to visit. Dad doesn't eat clam chowder, so

it was a special treat that we shared. The kids, and Jon, love

the chowder, so I'm happy to still be making it.

One of the last weeks of her life, I made a pot of the chowder and

brought it to her. She couldn't eat very much of it, but

she still loved it.

Throughout all the business of the week, I was able to

finish a sparkly scarf and matching white hat. I love

to knit, so I was glad that I had the time

to finish this project. Now I'm starting another scarf,

this one for Jon. Next, I think I'll make a sweater for the Big K. with

some of my stash yarn. Hope you're all enjoying a fun and relaxing weekend

with your loved ones. I know that I am.

Wednesdays

2010-01-20T11:06:00.001-05:00

Some days are harder than others.

There are days when I forget, for a minute,

that my Mom is gone. The other day, I was looking at the

wall hanging she made for Jon and

me on our anniversary.

For just one second I thought,

"I should call Mom. I haven't talked with

her in a while." Then I remembered,

there are no phones in heaven.

Other times the weight of loss

covers me like a blanket. My heart feels as if it is

literally broken apart.

I buckle from the pain of her really being gone.

The other day I heard the most beautiful song on KLove,

"Save a Place For Me" about a loved

one in heaven.

One line in the song, "I bet it feels good to have

the weight of this world off your shoulders now", reminded

me that Mom is no longer suffering.

Even that knowledge couldn't stop me from crying.

As the artist sang, "I'll be there

soon, I'll be there soon" all I could think of was

how much I wanted to be with my Mom.

Wednesdays are always hard days for me.

My Mom died on a Wednesday morning.

The "Today" show was on TV. I held her

hand as she took her last breath.

Wednesdays are hard. I've been through ten of them without

her. I know that I may travel through many more

Wednesdays without my Mom.

I hold the assurance that one day

Mom and I will be sitting in heaven.

We will talk like never before.

We'll never say good-bye again.

One of the last lines in the song I heard says,

"I want to live my life just like you did.

I want to make my home in the sky just like you did."

I pray that my life will make her proud.

And so, I work through the tenth Wednesday without

her. I miss her.

I can't wait until the day that we will be reunited again.

When we will make our home in the sky together.

Animal Tracks

2010-01-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

Once a month, our local zoo offers

zoo classes for home schooled kids.

The Big K. and Doodles

look forward to these classes

every month.

This month, Big K. has been counting

down the days until January's class.

Why? Because it was

going to be outdoors, there would

be snow shoeing,

and we were learning

about animal tracks.

Brianne is the kids' teacher.

Her love for animals and children shines

through every month.

She takes the time to talk with the kids,

allows them to ask all sorts of questions, no

matter how silly, and really

listens to what they have to say.

The activities are always fun and well planned.

This month, to emphasize animal tracks,

Brianne painted the feet of several different

animals. She then had the animals walk

on paper to show the types of tracks

they make.

She brought out Mr. B., the parrot,

and showed how his feet are made to

hold onto tree branches.

She then showed us all sorts of tricks that

he's learned. She explained to the kids

why it's so important for parrots to remain in the wild.

The kids played a game using pictures

of animals and their tracks. They had

to match the right animal to the right

track.

Brianne then took the kids outside for a walk in the snow.

She handed out little cards with all different types

of tracks that might be seen.

The kids had the zoo to themselves.

They raced through the trails finding

lots of squirrel tracks

and some deer tracks.

After our track hunt, it

was back to the classroom. The kids made their own animal

track books to bring home.

Big K. and Doodles had so much fun.

They always learn so much during the time at the zoo.

They're already counting down the days until

next month's class.

Cinnamon Raisin Bread

2010-01-18T16:34:00.001-05:00

I love Martha Stewart.

When Jon and I were getting married,

I used Martha Stewart's Weddings

to plan and decorate our

wedding.

I used to read her Living magazine

all of the time. One year, my parents gave

me a year's subscription to it.

I loved it.

Then I had kids,

and frankly who has time to neatly

arrange spring flowers

into an attractive wreath

for the front door.

Not me. Saturday, while I was grocery shopping,

the February issue of Living caught my eye.

I was hungry and there were heart

cakes on the front. I couldn't resist.

It was like visiting with an old friend.

I love Martha. I even

loved her when she was doing jail time.

This month, one of her articles was
about making home made bread.
True to all things Martha, the
recipes and easy to follow directions were
provided.
I usually use my bread machine, but just
this once I thought, I can do this.
Martha makes everything look so easy.
And so, I made Cinnamon Raisin bread.
It tasted as good as it looks.
I do believe Martha would be proud.
Maybe I do have time to arrange
those roses in an artful heart shape on our
dining room table.

Our Weekend in Pictures (and some words)

2010-01-18T16:11:00.000-05:00

Friday night pancakes.
Sour dough this time.

Super good with honey.

Saturday evening birthday

party.

Sitting with Squeaky,

the guinea pig.

Doodles and J., not looking

so happy at a party.

J. is the birthday

girl.

Yummy Fairy cupcakes

made by J. and her Mom.

What a sweet cake.

Waiting for instructions

on what to do with the pinata.

Happy 5th birthday J.

Thanks for inviting us.

Four Years Ago

2010-01-15T11:19:00.000-05:00

Four years ago, this weekend,

Jon and I embarked on a journey

that would change our lives

FOREVER!!

We took a trip to Boston

to meet our children.
I can't believe how much
they've grown in four
years.

I can't believe how much our lives

have change in four years.

I'm so thankful that we met them,

loved them, and adopted them.

I can't even begin to imagine

our lives without them.

They are truly the loves of our

lives.

Making Yogurt

2010-01-14T15:45:00.000-05:00

We never had much money when I was growing up.

We weren't "Angela's Ashes" poor (at least I don't

think we were), but we didn't have a lot

of cash. As I grew older, my Mom would share

stories with me about times that were

especially hard, and some of the things

she would do to save money. One story she

told me was about using coupons to buy food.

Back then, if you used coupons, the store would

give you the cash you saved; not deduct it

like they do now. My Mom took that cash,

saved it, and bought herself a yogurt maker.

Home made yogurt was something that

I grew up with.

My Mom was so proud of that yogurt maker.

It cost her something.

She had to save for it. She made my brother and

me yogurt all throughout our childhoods.

I still remember the taste of home made yogurt.

There's nothing quite like it. I swear, it tastes

better than store bought.

Shortly before my Mom was diagnosed with cancer,

she'd decided she wanted to make yogurt again.

Her original yogurt maker was long gone. Not to be

deterred by the lack of a yogurt maker,

my Mom started her Internet search.

She finally found a maker she liked.

She didn't have to save the money this time,

she could just buy it. She was just as

excited and proud of this new yogurt maker.

She showed it to me when I was down visiting.

She was always planning on making more yogurt.

Then she got sick.

The yogurt maker just sat and sat. She was too

sick to eat, so we didn't use it. She always said,

"When I'm better I'll be making yogurt".

I used to tease her and tell her she should just

give it to me, and she would tell me

"No, I'm going to be using it."

I wish she had. When she died,

my Dad came across her yogurt maker,

he packed it up and brought it to me.

It didn't feel right to use it without her.

For a while, it just sat. Then I thought of how she would

want me to be using it. She would want her grand kids to be eating

some home made yogurt. So now I'm using it.

My kids are enjoying the taste of home made yogurt, and I'm

able to share with them the memory of their

grandmother making yogurt for me.

Today, while I was making the yogurt again, the kids

were telling me how they couldn't wait to eat it. They were

talking about how good it tasted, and I swear, I could

feel my Mom smiling down on us. Happy to see

her yogurt maker being put to use.

One Lame Dog

2010-01-13T11:46:00.001-05:00

Kalea is the first dog that Jon and I bought.

In the past, feeling there were so many dogs who

needed homes, we've adopted from our local shelter.

Kalea was the dog we bought after

Tyler died. We just couldn't

think of burying another dog, and a puppy seemed

like a great idea. After all, we'd both had puppies

as children, and we wanted our kids to have

the same kind of fun that

only a puppy can bring.

Kalea is a Basset Hound. She's a breed that

we didn't know much about, but with a little

research, we felt she would work well for us

and the kids.

She's a great dog. Very easy going. She prefers

to eat and sleep. Every now and then, she'll

have a burst of energy, she'll run through

the house, chew some things up, and then

fall asleep for hours.

She goes to bed every night at 7:00.

She's a very low key, easy going, good with kids, sort of dog.

Right around the time my Mom died, Kalea started limping.

She hadn't really injured herself, she didn't act

like her leg was bothering her, she just

started limping.

As you can imagine, losing my Mom, the holidays,

the kids, all of those things

kept us really busy.

Kalea was still

playing, walking, running and jumping.

Sometimes she'd limp, sometimes not.

Eventually it seemed like her limp went away.

This past week, she started limping again.

Jon made an appointment for her, and I took

her to the vet. Kalea LOVES to go to the vet.

She firmly believes that all of those people are there

to see her. To pet her. To LOVE her.

All of the other animal patients and owners are

friends she hasn't met yet.

She loves the vet.

Like a good mother, I waited with her for

the vet. Kalea was so excited.

She was wining and crying

and scratching on the exam room door.

She needed to be with all of those people.

Not once did she start

limping. Not once

did she seem to be in any sort of pain.

The vet came in to see her. I explained the situation.

He looked at me and said,

"She's a Basset Hound. Any other

breed, I'd be worried, but she's a Basset."

Apparently Basset Hounds are

known for their lameness?! What?!

This comes with the breed.

So, she may be limping like a pirate with

a peg leg, but no worries. She's a Basset Hound.

He did send me home with some medicine, for

days when her limp is bad. Oh, and a bill.

I had to pay him money to learn that I, in fact,

do own a lame dog!

A Morning In Our House

2010-01-12T14:07:00.000-05:00

I am fortunate to have had a childhood

filled with happy memories.
When most women were entering the workforce,
my Mother chose to become a home maker.
The last year of her life, my mother told
me that she had no regrets. All she'd ever wanted to
do was to be a wife and mother.
She only wished it had lasted longer.
Many of my childhood memories are centered around
the kitchen, baking, cooking, eating. When Jon and I
bought our house, I really hoped for
a great kitchen. One that would hold happy
memories for our family.
Gradually, we have transformed our kitchen
from a dark and ugly room, to a really bright and
cheery room. The kids and I spend our
mornings together in our kitchen.
They work on their school work while
I bake or get stuff ready for dinner.

At night, our family eats dinner around our

kitchen table.

I pray that my children's childhoods will be

littered with happy memories.

Littered with the knowledge of how

loved they are, how wanted they

are, how important they are.

I pray that when my life ends, I'll be able to say

I lived with no regrets. I was everything

that I wanted to be. I did every thing that I wanted

to do. Each day, as I go about the task of being

Mom, I think of my own mother. I miss her,

I remember her,

and I pray that I will be even half the

mother to my own children that

she was to me.

BRRR....

2010-01-06T18:19:00.000-05:00

Walking in
a winter

Wonderland!

One Italian Grandmother

2010-01-05T13:19:00.000-05:00

For Christmas, I really

really wanted a pasta maker.
My sweet hubby bought it for me.
He's good like that.
I've never made
my own pasta, but I thought
it would be fun to try.
My first batch was really sticky,
and it didn't run through my pasta
maker right. I was ready to
go on a hunt for an Italian grandmother
who could teach me the art of pasta making.
I wasn't too sure where you find an
Italian grandmother, so I settled for Youtube.
I watched all sorts of videos about pasta
making. There was even one
that had my Kitchen-Aid pasta
attachment.
Today, minus an Italian
grandmother, I tried my hand at pasta
making again.
This batch turned out much better.
I even used whole wheat flour.
At least my noodles will be healthy.
Now I'm off to try my hand making cannoli.
My Dad got
me cannoli tubes for Christmas.
I really do need an Italian grandmother
to help me with all of these
recipes.
Maybe I'll put that on my Christmas
list next year.
One Italian grandmother.

Good-Bye '09

2010-01-02T10:15:00.000-05:00

Good-bye 2009.

You were a really hard year,

but you were a really good year too.
We made a lot of memories,

and so we said good-bye by

making a few more.

Doodles got beautiful in
time for our big family party.
Notice the strange middle Eastern earrings,
compliments of the dollar store.
She had to make me beautiful too.
Notice how wet I am.
She thought if she got my hair wet,
it might curl.
Swim fins. You can never be
too prepared.
Fins compliments of the dollar store.
Family Monopoly,
Marvel Style.

Too cool to be in this

kitchen. Rockin'

out with the kids.
3-D glasses, compliments the

bookstore.

My future is so bright, I gotta

wear shades.

Doodles informed me she

was, "Rocky". Not sure

if she meant the prize fighter

or that she's a rock star.

Either way, we had

fun saying good-bye

to '09.

Happy New Year.

Our Year In Review

2009-12-31T11:10:00.000-05:00

Last year, we celebrated New

Year's Eve at my parents house.

We didn't know what this year

would hold.

We never do.

We had lots of happy memories.

Easter with my parents.

My Mom cooked the meal.

A much planned trip to Joe's

Crab Shack.

Something my Mom really

wanted to do.

A trip to see Mary Poppins

on Broadway and a trip

to Katz after.

A Fun Girl Trip to Maine with

Mom.
The celebration of our kids one
year Adoption Anniversary.
Mom celebrated with us.
Halloween trick-or-treating
with the kids and my Mom.

Celebrating our first Thanksgiving

without.

Celebrating our first Christmas without.
This past year has been one

of the hardest of my life. For a year we

hoped, we prayed, we planned.

We hoped for a cure, we

prayed for a cure,

and we planned what to do with the time

we'd been give.

We had the privilege of spending our

year making memories with Mom.

We had the privilege of a year telling her

how much we loved her. Next year

will be our first year without her.

Next year will be different than this,

but it is a gift of time. Time for us

to make memories together.

Happy New Year.

Christmas Vacation

2009-12-29T16:46:00.000-05:00

Every year Jon saves

enough vacation time to have the

week between Christmas and

New Years Day off.

The kids don't have school.

Dad's in town.

We're all enjoying some time

together, relaxing.

Big K. put Papa to work putting

together some Christmas toys.

Doodles is enjoying some new

books and dolls.

Even Kalea is enjoying the time off.

Hope you all are having

a nice last week of 2009.

Happy New Year.

Their First Christmas

2009-12-27T18:05:00.000-05:00

This year, both Kalea (the basset hound)

and Lucy (the cat) had

their very first Christmas.

As you can see by the pictures,

they celebrated in

two distinctly different ways.

Kalea slept.

Lucy climbed.

Christmas was fun for them.

Our First

2009-12-26T09:50:00.000-05:00

Hi Pal,

Yesterday was our first Christmas without you.

Boy was it sad. We did our best though,

you would have been proud of us.

On Christmas Eve, the kids sang at

church. They did great.

After church we ate our

Christmas Eve dinner of Salmon. Dad had

steak :o)

After dinner, we opened our
Christmas Eve pajamas.
Boy did I miss giving you Fun Girl
pajamas.
Jon bough Transformer pj's for
the Big K. and himself.

K. loved his! Doodles

and I had matching owl pajamas.

I even bought some pj's for Dad.

He was so excited to have a Christmas Eve

present.

We invited him to stay the night at our house,

but he wanted to go home.

We both cried, because we missed you so much

on Christmas Eve.

Christmas morning, the kids were really excited

for their presents.

I wish you could have seen them.

Santa brought Doodles a doll with a

barking dog on a leash.

Guess what?! The first thing she did when she

got her doll was to take the clothes all off.

Just like I did when I was small.

It must be a little girl thing.

She said, "I bet Oma did too."

I told her I was sure you did.

The Big K. got walkie talkies.

I loved this picture of him.

I thought you would too.

Mom, Dad made sure that the kids had

the presents you wanted for them.

He gave Doodles two books with

dollar bills in the pages. Just like

you wanted her to have.

He put "From: Oma and Papa"

on the tags.

He bought them new, big kid,

Bibles like you wanted.

Th Big K. loved the bank

that you picked out for him.

He was so excited to know that you

had chosen it for him,

that it was one of the last things

you bought.

He loved it. You were right.

Dad found the paint sets that you bought the kids,

hoping to paint with them.

He gave Doodles the one that you

bought for yourself to paint.

I told the kids about you buying them to do

with the kids.

They missed you so much. I cried

all morning.

When I got to my Christmas stocking,

I missed you even more.

I missed you filling it for me, and telling me about

the search for all of the stuff.

I missed our Fun Girl presents

to each other.

We talked a lot about last Christmas.

I'm so thankful that we made it fun.

I'm so thankful that we were all

together.

I'm so thankful you were with us.

At dinner, I used your Christmas table

cloth. Dad said he knew you'd be happy to know

that we were using your things.

He's right. You would be.

You wouldn't have wanted the stuff to just sit and

not be used.

I made Cornish hens just like you did

when we were growing up.

I found a really good recipe

for orange glaze and wild rice

stuffing. You would have loved it.

After dinner, we celebrated

Jesus' birthday.

We sang to Him.

We put one candle on the cake for

each soul that belongs to Him.

We put a candle on the cake for you,

because we know that you spent Christmas

with Jesus. Even though I'm so happy for

you not to be sick, boy do

I miss you down here.

I really missed you at Christmas.

I know your Christmas was merry.

Mom, I want you to know that ours was too.

We did our best. We made it through. We

made Christmas as happy as we could for the kids and for

each other, but we really miss you.

Merry Christmas Mom.

I love you.

Love, Your Pal

Happy Birthday Jesus

2009-12-23T12:23:00.000-05:00

If you listen to the media, the right

gift, food, perfume,

trip, will make your Christmas Merry.

I know this is not true.

This year, I don't care what gifts

I get, what trips I take, nothing

will make my heart feel whole again.

Not this year.

I miss my Mom. I miss her

every day. I miss her every minute.

I think about her all of the time.

And yet I've found

that friends help to heal the pain.

Children give me a reason

to move forward.

They give me a reason to smile,

laugh, and to plan a Christmas time.

Family time together makes

my heart feel happy.
Our annual trip to see Lights
On The Lake, gave me a night
full of fun.

Of course I missed my Mom, I thought

of how much she would have

loved the lights, but I also

realized she's seeing the

most amazing Heavenly lights right

now. Christmas lights would pale

in comparison.

No Christmas gift can ever

heal the pain of missing my Mom,

but my heart sang as I watched

my children singing on Christmas Sunday.

Doodles, so nervous, standing up in

front of the whole church and singing

songs of praise to her king.

A king, whose birthday is the reason for

Christmas. Whose death on the

cross gives me the hope of seeing my

Mother again, of spending all

of eternity with my

Prince of Peace.

His gift heals my heart,

brings me hope,

gives me strength.

Happy Birthday Jesus.

Thank you for giving us

your Son.