Parties, Parades, and Pain

Two years ago, my Mom was here.

His was not. His Mom was still using

drugs. My Mom was excited to

spend a birthday with her newest

grandchild.

Last week, as we celebrated P.'s

birthday, my heart was sad.

I missed my Mom.

There are some things that I can prepare myself

for: Easter, her birthday, Mother's Day.

I wasn't prepared for the pain

of missing my Mom on P.'s birthday.

I was so happy to share our little five year old's day with

both him and his mother.

How fun it was for him

to get to spend the day with his mom.

At the end of the day, we all sat down to

watch a video Jon had made of P.'s third birthday.

My Mom was in it. She was healthy, laughing, making

smart comments with Jon. I ached to

hold her, to hug her, to kiss her, to

be with her.

On Saturday we took the kids

to see their first St. Patrick's Day

parade.

What fun they had watching

the bagpipes and running after candy.

How fun it was to be together, all of us.

How much I wanted to tell my Mom about

our day, about our week, about the kids.

How much she would love seeing

how big all of the kids are getting.

She would love to hear about Doodles and what

a young lady she is becoming.

She would have loved to hear the Big K. as he

told P.,"We're brothers. We have to

stick together. That's what brothers do."

And she would have loved to see the baby dancing

to the Bagpipe music and then screaming

because he didn't get any candy.

I have had a hard week. My Dad's life is moving forward,

we are all leaving my Mom behind. I haven't wanted to.

I haven't wanted to lose what I had.

This morning, the Lord gently reminded me that

He holds the future. He carries not just my children, my husband,

and myself. He carries my Dad and my Dad's future.

I realized, if I could give my Mother to God,

I can surely give my Dad to God.

I can trust that God, the lover of all, the healer, protector,

father, and friend loves my Dad more than I ever can.

God will walk us all through this time.
God will heal the broken parts of my heart.

God has given me so very much to be thankful for.